3/4/17 5:21pm
Listening to 2017 best of mrsuicidesheep seeking blue releases
So I'm on my way back from a hackathon in austin with some friends from school. Truth is we didn't do a whole lot, of hacking, it was more of an super fast intro to data and querying in the form of traffic data from sensors around austin Texas. The first work shop was terrible because I didn't have any terminal software on my windows computer, but since our ability to effectively participate was hampered so much we installed virtual box and powered up Ubuntu in a virtual machine on each of our laptops which would have allowed us to participate had we done it in time, but alas, it wasn't to be.
I don't know, really, I thought it was really interesting. Not the best hackathon in the world, but certainly a start.
Aside from having to steadily chug coffee monster drinks to stay awake to catch up on homework, there really isn't a whole lot going on.
Oh, got a new phone, the nomu s30 from China. It's an Android phone, and I think it's pretty awesome. Microsoft just kept letting me down, the windows phone had to go. Im still going to keep it around in case I ever need the great camera it has.
3/15/17 12:17am
I'm almost 3 weeks behind in my digital systems class, but a week ahead in my office class. I think I might have to drop this ds class, I just don't know…
3/26/17 10:18pm
Listening to: 24/7 Lofi HipHop Radio - Beats to Study & Relax
So it turns out I did end up dropping that class. Everything was fine up until half way into the semester before shit got real. Fell too far behind, and when I went to the teachers office to ask for help/discuss how realistic me passing was he wasn’t there and didn’t answer his phone. I figured I didn’t have time for this, dropped the class, and emailed him why. Will just have to take it again later in a face to face class.
My birthday was on the 17th, had a beer with dad, hated the beer. Bought some chocolate wine thinking I might like it, had half a glass before pouring the bottle in the sink after discovering that I don’t like drinks that taste like semi sweet cough syrup.
Thought I would never drink again until I found some hard root beer at my store, took it home saying "if I don’t like this then that’s it for me and alcohol."
I drank half the case of 6 that night.
Don’t get me wrong, I'm not going to turn into raging alcoholic, but I can see my self having a hard root beer every now and then.
That stuff is nice.
Finally registered my own domain and built website via blogger templates to host my professional blog/portfolio. Even started a YouTube channel to go along with it. Even set up a professional email to use as my main one instead of "kilroywashere21@gmail.com" Will eventually post things and make videos through those mediums related to my journey to become a software developer.
No I will not post links to any of those here.
Which leads me to my last point:
This will be my last journal entry.
Its been…an interesting ride…woah, I'm looking at my post archive now and it says I started back in October of 2015. So almost a year and a half.
Oh how time flies.
If I want to succeed in life I cant keep focusing time and energy on things that aren't helping me to become a better person. I have no need to look over my past, because not only is that not me anymore, its holding me back every time I waste time thinking about it when I could be thinking about who I could be and how to become that person. I will not forget the lessons I have learned since I started this blog, I would like to think that for the most part they have changed me for the better. But there is no use dwelling on the past.
Yesterday is over.
Tomorrow is almost here, and with it shall come new challenges.
Wish me luck.
Cheers :)
THE JOURNAL OF A RATHER DISILLUSIONED YOUNG MAN. UPDATES NORMALLY ON THE 1st OF THE MONTH.
Tuesday, March 21, 2017
JE#34
Thursday, March 2, 2017
JE#33
2/9/17 12:00am
Down loading the Lord of War, "legally" of course.
It amazes me that piracy isn't a bigger issue than it is. God only knows how the music industry manages to stay alive.
Wednesday, February 1, 2017
JE# 32
1/3/17 11:20pm
Listening to Fragile (feat. Hailee Steinfeld)
For Christmas I got a raspberry pi 3, yesterday got a 1TB external hard drive from a pawn shop (previous owner didn’t wipe it before they sold it; meh, no viruses but I did go through their stuff…hey, their fault anyway, I tried to alert who I thought was the previous owner via Facebook to let them know but no response, nothing interesting on it anyway) and spent the time between then and now trying to get it to mount to the pi so I could use it as file server. Only just succeeded about an hour ago. Tomorrow I will start backing up all of my stuff. All in all, I think this was a great educational exercise. Would be nice to see if I can find someplace to print a custom case my new server…
1/4/17 10:04pm
Listening to 'On Pain' -Ernst Junker Book review by Better than food book reviews on YouTube
Backing up a lot of my stuff to my server, taking forever, but so far I have all of my music.
1/10/17 6:49pm
Listening to Indie-Folk Compilation 2014
Allergies combined with nasal congestion have pretty much ruined my day so far. I cant imagine where all of this damned mucus is stored in my head, or how many t-shirts I have had to use as handkerchiefs today. I went to bed at 12am and woke up at 5am because I couldn’t breathe out of my nose, it wasn’t as bad then as it is now; I am literally wearing a (clean) t-shirt tied around my head covering my nose like a bandanna to try and filter out what ever contamination is causing me to have such a bad reaction today, and speaking of allergies, isn't it way to damn early to be going through this?
Its only January!?
Downloading all of my music to my tablet right now through my server, about half way done and everything seems to be working fine.
Got my school books yesterday, was able to rent 2 of them through amazon which saved me about $200, but the rest of my books had to be bought from the school which cost $437. This semester will be the first time I take a full 4 classes, and despite my sudden onset of allergies I still plan to read the first 2 chapters or so of my books in an effort to get a head start. Already finished the first chapter out of my C++ book.
1/16/17 8:42pm
Lets say I finish my degree on time. I self study for a little while, maybe get a good junior position somewhere and start my career in IT.
Is that it?
Lets say I get a wife, we get married and live happily ever after.
Is that it?
Lets say I eventually get promoted, become well off financially and start a family by having a few kids.
Is that it?
Okay, lets say I fulfill my dream, eventually build my little fortress of solitude in some shape or form in some remote place where I can live out the rest of my days without relying on anyone else for anything.
Is that it?
Or maybe I get my own boat, sail around the world.
Is that it?
Will that, any of that, be enough?
I don’t know.
No matter what I imagine, I cant think of anything that would truly make me feel complete.
9:07pm
You know, a movie I have appreciated more every time I watch it is Watchman. I can not express how brilliant I think it is, on par with even the greatest of epics. I especially love what I consider to be the genius of the plight Doctor Manhattan. Its general depiction, though at times most excessive, of a dirty, gritty, and cruel society.
10:25pm
Listen to Tourist by Witt Lowry
School starts tomorrow. I'm…scared.
4 classes…
Cranking things into full gear now. Full steam ahead, there's much work to be done in such a short amount of time. Juggling a part time job with 32 hours a week at the max and 4 classes. I'm scared I wont make it, that I cant do it, that I wont be able to take it, that I might crumble under the weight or not be able to measure up. Hell, they say people have juggled full time jobs and raising a family while getting their degree, so why shouldn't I be able to complete this task I have undertaken?
Why do I feel so inadequate?
Why cant I be one of those guys that are like, "Fuck it, I got this no worries," and not question my own abilities? Why is it that no matter what I do or where I go I still feel like I don’t belong.
1/18/17 9:40pm
Listening to Galaxies by Owl City
Thank god I invested in a comfortable office chair! When not at school today I have spent almost all of my time home here in this chair, and I have to say that although my ass hurts it could be much worse had I bought some cheap garbage to sit in. So far I have read everything required to do the first round of lessons for my classes, the next few days will be focused on actually doing the work assignments them selves. I believe that my digital fundamentals class with its bread boards and wires will be the most complicated and hard to understand. That box kit full of a plethora of electrical components is so…daunting.
2/1/17 8:25pm
Dad caught me jerking off last week, so its been awkward as hell even though we have addressed the issue, severely behind on my reading assignments for class. Discovered Krista isnt really into sex (so she says), but that still doesn’t change the way I feel about her.
Listening to Fragile (feat. Hailee Steinfeld)
For Christmas I got a raspberry pi 3, yesterday got a 1TB external hard drive from a pawn shop (previous owner didn’t wipe it before they sold it; meh, no viruses but I did go through their stuff…hey, their fault anyway, I tried to alert who I thought was the previous owner via Facebook to let them know but no response, nothing interesting on it anyway) and spent the time between then and now trying to get it to mount to the pi so I could use it as file server. Only just succeeded about an hour ago. Tomorrow I will start backing up all of my stuff. All in all, I think this was a great educational exercise. Would be nice to see if I can find someplace to print a custom case my new server…
1/4/17 10:04pm
Listening to 'On Pain' -Ernst Junker Book review by Better than food book reviews on YouTube
Backing up a lot of my stuff to my server, taking forever, but so far I have all of my music.
1/10/17 6:49pm
Listening to Indie-Folk Compilation 2014
Allergies combined with nasal congestion have pretty much ruined my day so far. I cant imagine where all of this damned mucus is stored in my head, or how many t-shirts I have had to use as handkerchiefs today. I went to bed at 12am and woke up at 5am because I couldn’t breathe out of my nose, it wasn’t as bad then as it is now; I am literally wearing a (clean) t-shirt tied around my head covering my nose like a bandanna to try and filter out what ever contamination is causing me to have such a bad reaction today, and speaking of allergies, isn't it way to damn early to be going through this?
Its only January!?
Downloading all of my music to my tablet right now through my server, about half way done and everything seems to be working fine.
Got my school books yesterday, was able to rent 2 of them through amazon which saved me about $200, but the rest of my books had to be bought from the school which cost $437. This semester will be the first time I take a full 4 classes, and despite my sudden onset of allergies I still plan to read the first 2 chapters or so of my books in an effort to get a head start. Already finished the first chapter out of my C++ book.
1/16/17 8:42pm
Lets say I finish my degree on time. I self study for a little while, maybe get a good junior position somewhere and start my career in IT.
Is that it?
Lets say I get a wife, we get married and live happily ever after.
Is that it?
Lets say I eventually get promoted, become well off financially and start a family by having a few kids.
Is that it?
Okay, lets say I fulfill my dream, eventually build my little fortress of solitude in some shape or form in some remote place where I can live out the rest of my days without relying on anyone else for anything.
Is that it?
Or maybe I get my own boat, sail around the world.
Is that it?
Will that, any of that, be enough?
I don’t know.
No matter what I imagine, I cant think of anything that would truly make me feel complete.
9:07pm
You know, a movie I have appreciated more every time I watch it is Watchman. I can not express how brilliant I think it is, on par with even the greatest of epics. I especially love what I consider to be the genius of the plight Doctor Manhattan. Its general depiction, though at times most excessive, of a dirty, gritty, and cruel society.
10:25pm
Listen to Tourist by Witt Lowry
School starts tomorrow. I'm…scared.
4 classes…
Cranking things into full gear now. Full steam ahead, there's much work to be done in such a short amount of time. Juggling a part time job with 32 hours a week at the max and 4 classes. I'm scared I wont make it, that I cant do it, that I wont be able to take it, that I might crumble under the weight or not be able to measure up. Hell, they say people have juggled full time jobs and raising a family while getting their degree, so why shouldn't I be able to complete this task I have undertaken?
Why do I feel so inadequate?
Why cant I be one of those guys that are like, "Fuck it, I got this no worries," and not question my own abilities? Why is it that no matter what I do or where I go I still feel like I don’t belong.
1/18/17 9:40pm
Listening to Galaxies by Owl City
Thank god I invested in a comfortable office chair! When not at school today I have spent almost all of my time home here in this chair, and I have to say that although my ass hurts it could be much worse had I bought some cheap garbage to sit in. So far I have read everything required to do the first round of lessons for my classes, the next few days will be focused on actually doing the work assignments them selves. I believe that my digital fundamentals class with its bread boards and wires will be the most complicated and hard to understand. That box kit full of a plethora of electrical components is so…daunting.
2/1/17 8:25pm
Dad caught me jerking off last week, so its been awkward as hell even though we have addressed the issue, severely behind on my reading assignments for class. Discovered Krista isnt really into sex (so she says), but that still doesn’t change the way I feel about her.
Sunday, January 1, 2017
JE#31 MIGHT HAVE TO MOVE
12/13/16 1:12pm
Listening to Masterpiece Theater 1-3 by Marianas Trench
I know that I passed my Programming logic and design class with a 96, I'm still waiting on the other grades to be input by my teachers.
Dad made the promotions list, he is going to go to school for 9 months to become a sergeant major. At first we were all under the impression that we would all stay here while he left for school, kind of like a regular deployment, but Amy told me yesterday that its looking more and more like we will have to go with him. She said that as far as I am concerned, I could either come with them and transfer to a Walmart and college there, specifically to el paso community college. Or, I could stay here, but I would have to live on campus in the dorms. Living in the dorms would add an additional $1700 to my student loans every semester, which would rack up my total estimated student debt to a little over $20,000 if I finish my degree in 2 years.
I don’t want to move. I like the current job and school set up I have, and while they are not the best at least they are relatively stable. I have looked at the el paso community computer science degree plans, and they are a complete joke so that’s not an option at all, which means going with my family isn't an option at all.
Listening to 2016 Best Melodic Dubstep Mix
I will NOT be peer pressured into going 20K in debt by my parents just to appease them or make them happy if I choose to stay here.
Fuck that.
So that leaves me 2 options if they move, I either have to find a room to rent, preferably with 1 or 2 room mates to split rent down to a manageable level; or find a way to live in my car.
Honestly, as bad as it seems, I'm leaning more towards living in my car. By no means will it be easy, but I have a general Idea of how I could make it work.
My main motivation is to save money. As of now I can put away a little over $500 every month with the current hours my job gives me. The family wont leave until June/July so barring any unexpected major expenses I should be able to put away almost $3000 between now and then.
By far gas will be the largest expected increase in my budget. A few modifications will have to be made to my car, such as finding a way to put up mosquito net on a few of my windows so I can crack them at night to let air in but keep bugs out, and putting a pad down in the trunk that I can sleep on when I pull my back seats forward and down.
Showering can be easily taken care of by buying a monthly membership to a 24/7 gym with showers, so that will take care of hygiene for the most part.
A lot of other things will have to be done, but that’s just what I can think of off the top of my head at the moment.
Internet access will not really be a problem, my job has free wifi, as do my school and most libraries, and my phone plan has 3gb of 4G data and unlimited 2G data after that.
Electricity will be a minor hindrance, but with the help of a few portable large capacity power banks that I can charge at work and school (I have one 10,000mah already, I can easily get several better ones) it shouldn’t be too much of a big deal. I will need an address, so I will have to rent out a UPS mail box for the duration of this situation, which will solve the issue of needing an address I can use on official forms as well as getting mail.
I can sleep in my car, though I will have to do so in different places every night, never staying in the same place more than once per week, and changing the days I do decide to sleep there at random so as to not create any noticeable pattern. Great care will have to be taken to become as inconspicuous as possible. Might even need to tint the windows as much is legally allowed.
Food and food storage will be an issue. My eating habits will have to change since I will lose use of an easily accessible oven, microwave, refrigerator, and cabinet to store things in. Eating out extra isn't an option since the extra cost isn't worth the extra accessibility. My job has several microwaves, refrigerators, and a single toaster oven, so while I can store some things there and cook them it will be in a limited capacity. School also has a microwave in the student lounge, so there is that. I know I cant survive on junk, so buying it will have to be kept at a minimum while I buy more fruits, vegetables, and other things I can eat within a few hours unless its fine to store in my car for a few days such as canned foods. Staying healthy is a must.
Will have to keep the car clean and organized because I cant stand clutter, keep up with oil changes, insurance, and make sure the whole thing is taken care of and kept in good condition.
Overall, my lifestyle will have to change drastically, but aside from the initial investment in materials, supplies, etc., I only anticipate my monthly cost of living to go up, say, $150? And that’s being a tad bit overzealous.
In march when I turn 21 I can apply to get my concealed carry permit, then buy a handgun, but up until then I can carry a knife for protection since I am going to be on my own.
All in all, that’s $644 a month I will need to live in my car and carry on going to school and working.
….
….
….
Now, having said all of that, I could move with them…but I just think the whole thing would be detrimental to my education and job. Hell, I could even rent a room with a few people if I was okay with living paycheck to paycheck.
But I am not okay with that. I am soooooooooo not okay with any of that.
My parents have already expressed…great displeasure with my thoughts on living in my car. I don’t blame them, I think it sucks too. But unlike them, I think its much preferable to do this than go 20k in debt over a 2 year degree.
12/29/16 6:07pm
Listening to the tip of the iceberg by owl city
Christmas was great, though it seems to have come and go far too fast, even faster than last year. I got the raspberry pi 3 I wanted, and after 5 days of continuous failure I finally managed to turn it into a file server, albeit one that can (currently) only be accessed on our local network. I was deliberating over whether or not I wanted to add an external hard drive to it to boost the storage from the 16gb sd card it currently has, but what with my pending relocation here in 5 months I doubt it would be worth it. This was mainly meant to be an educational exercise more than anything else, but so far I have still managed to learn a few things while having my hand held by YouTube tutorials.
Even though school is out I am still trying to educate my self in my off time, for instance I am almost done watching a 6 hour video on YouTube about data structures and algorithms. When im done, I think I will get a small head start on my c++ class by watching some more tutorials by the same guy that helped me better understand HTML and css. Lord knows that taking 4 classes this semester is going to be painful.
…
Oh, if I disnt mention it yet, Deanna Holmes came back, she just didnt pay her phone bill or something along those lines.
Also, found out I passed my 3 classes with 2 A's and a B.
Listening to Masterpiece Theater 1-3 by Marianas Trench
I know that I passed my Programming logic and design class with a 96, I'm still waiting on the other grades to be input by my teachers.
Dad made the promotions list, he is going to go to school for 9 months to become a sergeant major. At first we were all under the impression that we would all stay here while he left for school, kind of like a regular deployment, but Amy told me yesterday that its looking more and more like we will have to go with him. She said that as far as I am concerned, I could either come with them and transfer to a Walmart and college there, specifically to el paso community college. Or, I could stay here, but I would have to live on campus in the dorms. Living in the dorms would add an additional $1700 to my student loans every semester, which would rack up my total estimated student debt to a little over $20,000 if I finish my degree in 2 years.
I don’t want to move. I like the current job and school set up I have, and while they are not the best at least they are relatively stable. I have looked at the el paso community computer science degree plans, and they are a complete joke so that’s not an option at all, which means going with my family isn't an option at all.
Listening to 2016 Best Melodic Dubstep Mix
I will NOT be peer pressured into going 20K in debt by my parents just to appease them or make them happy if I choose to stay here.
Fuck that.
So that leaves me 2 options if they move, I either have to find a room to rent, preferably with 1 or 2 room mates to split rent down to a manageable level; or find a way to live in my car.
Honestly, as bad as it seems, I'm leaning more towards living in my car. By no means will it be easy, but I have a general Idea of how I could make it work.
My main motivation is to save money. As of now I can put away a little over $500 every month with the current hours my job gives me. The family wont leave until June/July so barring any unexpected major expenses I should be able to put away almost $3000 between now and then.
By far gas will be the largest expected increase in my budget. A few modifications will have to be made to my car, such as finding a way to put up mosquito net on a few of my windows so I can crack them at night to let air in but keep bugs out, and putting a pad down in the trunk that I can sleep on when I pull my back seats forward and down.
Showering can be easily taken care of by buying a monthly membership to a 24/7 gym with showers, so that will take care of hygiene for the most part.
A lot of other things will have to be done, but that’s just what I can think of off the top of my head at the moment.
Internet access will not really be a problem, my job has free wifi, as do my school and most libraries, and my phone plan has 3gb of 4G data and unlimited 2G data after that.
Electricity will be a minor hindrance, but with the help of a few portable large capacity power banks that I can charge at work and school (I have one 10,000mah already, I can easily get several better ones) it shouldn’t be too much of a big deal. I will need an address, so I will have to rent out a UPS mail box for the duration of this situation, which will solve the issue of needing an address I can use on official forms as well as getting mail.
I can sleep in my car, though I will have to do so in different places every night, never staying in the same place more than once per week, and changing the days I do decide to sleep there at random so as to not create any noticeable pattern. Great care will have to be taken to become as inconspicuous as possible. Might even need to tint the windows as much is legally allowed.
Food and food storage will be an issue. My eating habits will have to change since I will lose use of an easily accessible oven, microwave, refrigerator, and cabinet to store things in. Eating out extra isn't an option since the extra cost isn't worth the extra accessibility. My job has several microwaves, refrigerators, and a single toaster oven, so while I can store some things there and cook them it will be in a limited capacity. School also has a microwave in the student lounge, so there is that. I know I cant survive on junk, so buying it will have to be kept at a minimum while I buy more fruits, vegetables, and other things I can eat within a few hours unless its fine to store in my car for a few days such as canned foods. Staying healthy is a must.
Will have to keep the car clean and organized because I cant stand clutter, keep up with oil changes, insurance, and make sure the whole thing is taken care of and kept in good condition.
Overall, my lifestyle will have to change drastically, but aside from the initial investment in materials, supplies, etc., I only anticipate my monthly cost of living to go up, say, $150? And that’s being a tad bit overzealous.
In march when I turn 21 I can apply to get my concealed carry permit, then buy a handgun, but up until then I can carry a knife for protection since I am going to be on my own.
All in all, that’s $644 a month I will need to live in my car and carry on going to school and working.
….
….
….
Now, having said all of that, I could move with them…but I just think the whole thing would be detrimental to my education and job. Hell, I could even rent a room with a few people if I was okay with living paycheck to paycheck.
But I am not okay with that. I am soooooooooo not okay with any of that.
My parents have already expressed…great displeasure with my thoughts on living in my car. I don’t blame them, I think it sucks too. But unlike them, I think its much preferable to do this than go 20k in debt over a 2 year degree.
12/29/16 6:07pm
Listening to the tip of the iceberg by owl city
Christmas was great, though it seems to have come and go far too fast, even faster than last year. I got the raspberry pi 3 I wanted, and after 5 days of continuous failure I finally managed to turn it into a file server, albeit one that can (currently) only be accessed on our local network. I was deliberating over whether or not I wanted to add an external hard drive to it to boost the storage from the 16gb sd card it currently has, but what with my pending relocation here in 5 months I doubt it would be worth it. This was mainly meant to be an educational exercise more than anything else, but so far I have still managed to learn a few things while having my hand held by YouTube tutorials.
Even though school is out I am still trying to educate my self in my off time, for instance I am almost done watching a 6 hour video on YouTube about data structures and algorithms. When im done, I think I will get a small head start on my c++ class by watching some more tutorials by the same guy that helped me better understand HTML and css. Lord knows that taking 4 classes this semester is going to be painful.
…
Oh, if I disnt mention it yet, Deanna Holmes came back, she just didnt pay her phone bill or something along those lines.
Also, found out I passed my 3 classes with 2 A's and a B.
Thursday, December 1, 2016
JE#30 FALL SEMESTER END
11/30/16 11:06pm
Listening to Ritual by Marshmello
Had the good fortune to discover 2 new music artists: Witt Lowry, thanks to Krista and Marshmello thanks to my brother.
I love the majority of both their music.
I had been thinking about getting my associates degree here at CTC and then trying for my bachelors at Texas A&M university, however, recently I have discovered a couple of things that will more than likely persuade me from do that.
First: Found out from my teacher that the majority of my computer science credits will not transfer to A&M, which is the majority of my degree plan. So if I did decide to transfer I might as well be starting from scratch.
Second: The cheapest per year cost of tuition and fees going full time is $10,034 as of 2016. So, at best I come out with a degree and over 40K in debt.
Third: My teacher explained that since A&M is a state run school, they have common core curriculum with is much more generalized in its teaching of subjects, where as CTC is almost like a technical school meant to reach you skills to prepare you for jobs and is more specialized in the subjects it does teach.
After carefully considering each of these points, I believe transferring to Texas A&M would be a bad decision, and a bad investment in my self. I feel I would rather be more confident in my skills and have less of a degree than be less confident in my skills and have more of a degree.
I believe that by studying hard through this degree, along with extensive self study/experimentation/projects afterwards will equip me with enough knowledge and real world experience to get a job.
Also: My teacher recommended that I apply for a lab assistant position that is now open through our school, they have two openings and he thought I might be a good fit. While I love the idea, I doubt I would be accepted because I don’t have a lot of experience, but who knows. It would be a nice way to get my foot in the door of the IT field, even if it was only one day a week.
Finals are almost over with, I just have a few more things to do and my first semester of "real" college will be done! Iv learned so much and come so far from where I was when I first started…it feels nice to be progressing again. Every now and then I go do school work on my computer in the student recreation center. Its full of other people my age just having a fun time, TVs playing the boomerang channel with old cartoons from our youth, pool tables, and various console systems for video games. I love being around so many people being happy, and contrary to popular belief all of the extra activity around helps me actually do my homework. I feel…motivated? I don’t know. Every now and then I even play a round of pool, and interacting with these people who don’t just look through me feels awesome.
…
Recently…Deanna's phone number was switched off. Maybe she didn’t pay the bill, or some other trivial thing happened like it broke or whatever. However, since I don’t know her email, and she deleted her facebook and tinder accounts a long time ago I no longer have a way to contact her…which is sad. I already miss talking to her, and hope she is okay.
I cant do much from my end, but she knows about this blog and could reach me through here if she really wanted too.
This whole event saddens me…
Work is going fine…a few hiccups here and there, just need to remember to keep my mouth shut and do my job.
…
Oh, one last thing: Decided to get all 4 of my car tires replaced since they were getting pretty bad, cost just over $400 which is great considering its barely half of what I thought it would be, but all in all still sucked. Meh….dad says to not complain about spending money on things that need to be done, and I do need to take care of my car so….at least the tires are raged for 60,000 miles!
Listening to Ritual by Marshmello
Had the good fortune to discover 2 new music artists: Witt Lowry, thanks to Krista and Marshmello thanks to my brother.
I love the majority of both their music.
I had been thinking about getting my associates degree here at CTC and then trying for my bachelors at Texas A&M university, however, recently I have discovered a couple of things that will more than likely persuade me from do that.
First: Found out from my teacher that the majority of my computer science credits will not transfer to A&M, which is the majority of my degree plan. So if I did decide to transfer I might as well be starting from scratch.
Second: The cheapest per year cost of tuition and fees going full time is $10,034 as of 2016. So, at best I come out with a degree and over 40K in debt.
Third: My teacher explained that since A&M is a state run school, they have common core curriculum with is much more generalized in its teaching of subjects, where as CTC is almost like a technical school meant to reach you skills to prepare you for jobs and is more specialized in the subjects it does teach.
After carefully considering each of these points, I believe transferring to Texas A&M would be a bad decision, and a bad investment in my self. I feel I would rather be more confident in my skills and have less of a degree than be less confident in my skills and have more of a degree.
I believe that by studying hard through this degree, along with extensive self study/experimentation/projects afterwards will equip me with enough knowledge and real world experience to get a job.
Also: My teacher recommended that I apply for a lab assistant position that is now open through our school, they have two openings and he thought I might be a good fit. While I love the idea, I doubt I would be accepted because I don’t have a lot of experience, but who knows. It would be a nice way to get my foot in the door of the IT field, even if it was only one day a week.
Finals are almost over with, I just have a few more things to do and my first semester of "real" college will be done! Iv learned so much and come so far from where I was when I first started…it feels nice to be progressing again. Every now and then I go do school work on my computer in the student recreation center. Its full of other people my age just having a fun time, TVs playing the boomerang channel with old cartoons from our youth, pool tables, and various console systems for video games. I love being around so many people being happy, and contrary to popular belief all of the extra activity around helps me actually do my homework. I feel…motivated? I don’t know. Every now and then I even play a round of pool, and interacting with these people who don’t just look through me feels awesome.
…
Recently…Deanna's phone number was switched off. Maybe she didn’t pay the bill, or some other trivial thing happened like it broke or whatever. However, since I don’t know her email, and she deleted her facebook and tinder accounts a long time ago I no longer have a way to contact her…which is sad. I already miss talking to her, and hope she is okay.
I cant do much from my end, but she knows about this blog and could reach me through here if she really wanted too.
This whole event saddens me…
Work is going fine…a few hiccups here and there, just need to remember to keep my mouth shut and do my job.
…
Oh, one last thing: Decided to get all 4 of my car tires replaced since they were getting pretty bad, cost just over $400 which is great considering its barely half of what I thought it would be, but all in all still sucked. Meh….dad says to not complain about spending money on things that need to be done, and I do need to take care of my car so….at least the tires are raged for 60,000 miles!
Tuesday, November 1, 2016
JE#29
10/9/16 12:33pm
Listening to
Epic Chillstep Collection 2016 [2 Hours]
From
I have to leave in less than half than hour to go to work, just wanted to write some things before I left, get back in the habit of jotting these down.
This past Wednesday in class we had this professor from a security class across the hall come in and give a short presentation on how to get tech internships over the summer, he struck me as someone really cool, one of the things he said was, "You should see what we are doing in the this other class, it illegal as hell." He was just so enthusiastic…I'm not sure if that class is required for my degree, but if its not I think I would like to take it anyway.
Have had to look at my car more closely lately, was pulled over last night coming home on base for a headlight that was out, went to AutoZone today and got it replaced. Need to take it to a mechanic that can have the whole thing looked over, just so I don’t have to live in blissful ignorance and worry about something breaking at the most inopportune time, plus I'm relatively sure the serpentine belt needs to be replaced. Its going to be expensive, but I would rather go ahead and get everything done and out of the way so I don’t have to worry about it.
Krista is sick, has been feeling crappy the past few days. Things between us have kind of slowed, but I would like to believe that its just holding steady.
I have come to think that after "we" are over and she leaves I wont go out of my way to find a relationship with someone else. Though I do crave companionship, I have school to worry about right now, plus it would undoubtedly be cheaper to be single, dates are the only thing (other than the recent issues with the car) that have been throwing my bi weekly budget for a loop.
Its not a terribly bad thing…I just need to focus on me for awhile, get my stuff taken care of. Its not like I will be alone again, there are plenty of friends at school and some at work I can talk to if I need to.
10/20/16 10:49pm
Listening to Cecilia and the satellite by someone whos name I don’t recall or care to look up
Had the car tuned up, good thing too because the serpentine belt had plenty of little cracks forming.
Things got a little tense at work this past week. I need to remember not to get too close to anyone, do what I am supposed to, and not get too comfortable.
10/23/16 11:11am
Listening to Just a dream by Nelly
It hasn’t even been a week and the car has already broken down. The serpentine belt they replaced is hanging off under the car. I can still use my brothers stick shift truck to get to work for today, but will find a way to have the car towed to the shop so they can fix it. In the event that they didn’t put a warranty on their work, I am going to be royally pissed and actually go out of my way to leave a bad review on yelp.
3:04pm
Got in trouble at work today, received my first coaching. It was my own fault, got too comfortable here and didn’t stay between the lines. I wrote something stupid, immature, and inappropriate on a claims tag for the reason the item broke. When they pulled me into the office I was so nervous, had no idea what they wanted. I was…reprimanded.
Wont make that mistake again.
10/31/16 11:12pm
Another Halloween come and gone. On my way back from school I saw a lot of people out trick or treating…I tried not to look at them too much other than not hitting them with the car. I have never seen that many people out and about here before, and I doubt I will again for a long while. I kept thinking to my self that they weren't real, not to me anyway. Not one of those people have a measurable worthwhile effect on my life. They are, all of them, just ghosts on a night made for ghosts.
That’s very pessimistic, but what do I care.
I just spent the last 3 hours or so watching episodes 1-8 of evangelion.
Time that I could have spent studying, but I guess that will be done tomorrow.
Such an inefficient waste of time…
I need to study more, I was getting real good at it for about a week, then messed up the past few days.
But I don’t just need to study, I need to LEARN.
Been thinking about getting a raspberry pi and setting up my own webserver to host a website I would eventually build, but with the cost of moving my parents internet over to a business account I might as well have my site hosted by someone other than my self.
It would be cheaper…
But that defeats the purpose of getting the pi, for experience with bare minimum computers, Linux, and a few other things.
So the web server turns out to be non-viable, oh well. It was worth a shot.
I can however, still build an ftp server out of one, my own personal networked attached storage if you will. Not exactly my first choice but it beats doing nothing. I have already demonstrated my use to my father in my ability to fetch a movie he wanted off the web for free. One of my friends told me that if you go to those annoying sites that say they have the movie but wont let you watch it without signing up, if you view their source code you can actually bypass the signup BS and download it straight from the files location in their HTML document. It’s a bit of a hassle to find the specific file and it takes a little more time, but its worked so far every time I have tried it.
I explained that to my brother earlier when he walked in as we watched some evangelion together and he thought it was the coolest thing in the world, said I was genius and wished he could do that.
I have to admit if you didn’t know what all of this was it might indeed sound super sexy and cool, but its kind of simple…not to make it sound easy, im just saying im not super cool for knowing how to do it.
…
…
…
Things with Krista seem kind of dead and or dying at the moment. Recently every time I have attempted to schedule a date or something for us to do together she either always has plans or doesn’t respond.
Im not mad, a little upset to tell the truth but I have grown a much thicker skin since Sarah. Krista has been really nice to me, she has shown me kindness, affection, and support. I was in a bad place before I found her, and she brought me out of it.
Im grateful for that.
She is still leaving, probably around march ish if not sooner. She was already accepted and everything, just waiting to ship. I don’t regret a single moment I have spent with her, and I am okay with letting her go. If its sooner than expected…I can be okay with that too.
Listening to
Epic Chillstep Collection 2016 [2 Hours]
From
I have to leave in less than half than hour to go to work, just wanted to write some things before I left, get back in the habit of jotting these down.
This past Wednesday in class we had this professor from a security class across the hall come in and give a short presentation on how to get tech internships over the summer, he struck me as someone really cool, one of the things he said was, "You should see what we are doing in the this other class, it illegal as hell." He was just so enthusiastic…I'm not sure if that class is required for my degree, but if its not I think I would like to take it anyway.
Have had to look at my car more closely lately, was pulled over last night coming home on base for a headlight that was out, went to AutoZone today and got it replaced. Need to take it to a mechanic that can have the whole thing looked over, just so I don’t have to live in blissful ignorance and worry about something breaking at the most inopportune time, plus I'm relatively sure the serpentine belt needs to be replaced. Its going to be expensive, but I would rather go ahead and get everything done and out of the way so I don’t have to worry about it.
Krista is sick, has been feeling crappy the past few days. Things between us have kind of slowed, but I would like to believe that its just holding steady.
I have come to think that after "we" are over and she leaves I wont go out of my way to find a relationship with someone else. Though I do crave companionship, I have school to worry about right now, plus it would undoubtedly be cheaper to be single, dates are the only thing (other than the recent issues with the car) that have been throwing my bi weekly budget for a loop.
Its not a terribly bad thing…I just need to focus on me for awhile, get my stuff taken care of. Its not like I will be alone again, there are plenty of friends at school and some at work I can talk to if I need to.
10/20/16 10:49pm
Listening to Cecilia and the satellite by someone whos name I don’t recall or care to look up
Had the car tuned up, good thing too because the serpentine belt had plenty of little cracks forming.
Things got a little tense at work this past week. I need to remember not to get too close to anyone, do what I am supposed to, and not get too comfortable.
10/23/16 11:11am
Listening to Just a dream by Nelly
It hasn’t even been a week and the car has already broken down. The serpentine belt they replaced is hanging off under the car. I can still use my brothers stick shift truck to get to work for today, but will find a way to have the car towed to the shop so they can fix it. In the event that they didn’t put a warranty on their work, I am going to be royally pissed and actually go out of my way to leave a bad review on yelp.
3:04pm
Got in trouble at work today, received my first coaching. It was my own fault, got too comfortable here and didn’t stay between the lines. I wrote something stupid, immature, and inappropriate on a claims tag for the reason the item broke. When they pulled me into the office I was so nervous, had no idea what they wanted. I was…reprimanded.
Wont make that mistake again.
10/31/16 11:12pm
Another Halloween come and gone. On my way back from school I saw a lot of people out trick or treating…I tried not to look at them too much other than not hitting them with the car. I have never seen that many people out and about here before, and I doubt I will again for a long while. I kept thinking to my self that they weren't real, not to me anyway. Not one of those people have a measurable worthwhile effect on my life. They are, all of them, just ghosts on a night made for ghosts.
That’s very pessimistic, but what do I care.
I just spent the last 3 hours or so watching episodes 1-8 of evangelion.
Time that I could have spent studying, but I guess that will be done tomorrow.
Such an inefficient waste of time…
I need to study more, I was getting real good at it for about a week, then messed up the past few days.
But I don’t just need to study, I need to LEARN.
Been thinking about getting a raspberry pi and setting up my own webserver to host a website I would eventually build, but with the cost of moving my parents internet over to a business account I might as well have my site hosted by someone other than my self.
It would be cheaper…
But that defeats the purpose of getting the pi, for experience with bare minimum computers, Linux, and a few other things.
So the web server turns out to be non-viable, oh well. It was worth a shot.
I can however, still build an ftp server out of one, my own personal networked attached storage if you will. Not exactly my first choice but it beats doing nothing. I have already demonstrated my use to my father in my ability to fetch a movie he wanted off the web for free. One of my friends told me that if you go to those annoying sites that say they have the movie but wont let you watch it without signing up, if you view their source code you can actually bypass the signup BS and download it straight from the files location in their HTML document. It’s a bit of a hassle to find the specific file and it takes a little more time, but its worked so far every time I have tried it.
I explained that to my brother earlier when he walked in as we watched some evangelion together and he thought it was the coolest thing in the world, said I was genius and wished he could do that.
I have to admit if you didn’t know what all of this was it might indeed sound super sexy and cool, but its kind of simple…not to make it sound easy, im just saying im not super cool for knowing how to do it.
…
…
…
Things with Krista seem kind of dead and or dying at the moment. Recently every time I have attempted to schedule a date or something for us to do together she either always has plans or doesn’t respond.
Im not mad, a little upset to tell the truth but I have grown a much thicker skin since Sarah. Krista has been really nice to me, she has shown me kindness, affection, and support. I was in a bad place before I found her, and she brought me out of it.
Im grateful for that.
She is still leaving, probably around march ish if not sooner. She was already accepted and everything, just waiting to ship. I don’t regret a single moment I have spent with her, and I am okay with letting her go. If its sooner than expected…I can be okay with that too.
Tuesday, October 4, 2016
JE#28 MISTAKE
9/2/16 10:23pm
About an hour ago I made a terrible, morally wrong choice, and it cost me $100.
9/5/16 10:28pm
I do a lot of my best thinking when I have had 3 or more cups of coffee. It normally only lasts for under half an hour, after that my mind slows down again and I just have an elevated heart rate. I feel so much more alive on coffee, so full of artificial energy, my thoughts as well as my body moved faster…end then it ends and its back to boring useless old me. Coffee is great, not only for the caffeine but for the taste too; at least I think so. I have met some people who say that they not only don’t like coffee but that they hate it too.
I don’t understand them.
Is it weird that almost everytime I try to write one of these entries I have to stop my self from saying "not much has happened",? How boring is that.
How boring I am.
I am boring.
I wont try to deny it.
I work, I go to school, and generally try to spend the least amount of money possible, although I certainly don’t lack for wants. I want a lot of things. There are some things I REALLY want. But I don’t buy them because it would put me in a financial bond.
I have a lot of random thoughts. I don’t put most of them down here because they would be seen as totally random and unrelated…but my mind wanders and I don’t have much motivation to stop it.
Over simplification, over clarification; I try to avoid these things.
Most days I try to focus on the task at hand and not think about my self. Failing to do so usually leads to me thinking about…me, my past, my present, my possible futures…and its all very…disconcerting, if not downright depressing.
I remember the things I have done…
…
Im not depressed, mind you, Im just sad sometimes. Is it unusual that every time I think of my self saying im not depressed I immediately imagine some doctor saying "of course your not" as they write me a prescription for anti depressants or other mold stabilizers, and the thought tools me with anger because I HATE any medication like that.
I don’t think its unusual, not if you consider my background.
You know, I once had this guy I worked with on the nightshift comment that I always seemed so jovial because I was always smiling and cracking jokes and making people laugh. He said I always looked so happy.
I looked him dead in the eye with a straight face and said to him, "Im not happy, im incredibly sad." He looked confused, so I continued, "you don’t know me, what you see is a face, a mask I put on for the rest of the world because THAT is what you want to see."
10/4/16 8:19pm
Listening to All Time Low by Jon Bellion
Well this update certainly took 3 days longer than it was supposed to.
(precedes to not give any explanation for the late update)
For starters, made another $100 mistake a week or so ago, wasn’t too upset about it other than having to give up the money, this one being much better than the last one, but that’s a morality problem. Cant keep doing that because it’s a significant unnecessary drain on my financial resources, im risking my physical health every time I do (cant be lucky everytime) and theirs is the ever present danger of running into law enforcement.
Going to have to learn to live without it, which will be hard but not unmanageable. Hell, every other guy seems to live without it just fine.
Grades are good, I have in A in 2 of my classes and nothing in the other one because she apparently hasn’t felt the need to put anything into the grade book, but its what ever. Im confident im passing it though that sure as hell isn't based on my knowledge of the material.
Time management is the key to getting almost everything done correctly and on time, something that also happens to be the hardest to do. Curse those nights staying up until 11:30pm watching YouTube instead of going to bed on time!
Sleep is soooooooo something I need more of, me and every other working person.
Work is going well, no trials I haven't been able to handle thus far but I do need to watch my self and keep everything in line. My amount of scheduled hours over the past few weeks hasn't been the greatest, but im getting buy, still able to pay what few bills I have with at least $100 to put into savings. It should get better as the holidays pick up and there are more hours available.
A belt in my car engine will have to be replaced fairly soon, over the next couple of days for sure so says jiffy lube. I don’t know, im worried about it but dad says to take it to a real mechanic to have them look it over just to be sure. I don’t know near as much about my vehicle as I would like to, but I don’t have the money or time to get familiar with the parts and tools I would need to check it my self.
I got a cheap small 32 inch tv from a pawn shop to use as a display for my laptop, its great so far and I like it. Need to get a chair and a controller to go with it so I can sit at the desk and do everything comfortably, everything costs money though.
Side note, there was this lady that came into my store and started chatting me up, told me about this company she works for that needs team leaders in this area and blah blah blah blah. Researched her organization a few hours ago after she called me and it’s the usual pyramid scam. I kind of felt bad for telling her what I found and that I would be blocking her number. She seemed like such a nice old Mexican lady, but the overwhelming evidence against her organization was…well, overwhelming.
Meh, things are going smoothly so far, a few little bumps along the way but that’s par for the course.
About an hour ago I made a terrible, morally wrong choice, and it cost me $100.
9/5/16 10:28pm
I do a lot of my best thinking when I have had 3 or more cups of coffee. It normally only lasts for under half an hour, after that my mind slows down again and I just have an elevated heart rate. I feel so much more alive on coffee, so full of artificial energy, my thoughts as well as my body moved faster…end then it ends and its back to boring useless old me. Coffee is great, not only for the caffeine but for the taste too; at least I think so. I have met some people who say that they not only don’t like coffee but that they hate it too.
I don’t understand them.
Is it weird that almost everytime I try to write one of these entries I have to stop my self from saying "not much has happened",? How boring is that.
How boring I am.
I am boring.
I wont try to deny it.
I work, I go to school, and generally try to spend the least amount of money possible, although I certainly don’t lack for wants. I want a lot of things. There are some things I REALLY want. But I don’t buy them because it would put me in a financial bond.
I have a lot of random thoughts. I don’t put most of them down here because they would be seen as totally random and unrelated…but my mind wanders and I don’t have much motivation to stop it.
Over simplification, over clarification; I try to avoid these things.
Most days I try to focus on the task at hand and not think about my self. Failing to do so usually leads to me thinking about…me, my past, my present, my possible futures…and its all very…disconcerting, if not downright depressing.
I remember the things I have done…
…
Im not depressed, mind you, Im just sad sometimes. Is it unusual that every time I think of my self saying im not depressed I immediately imagine some doctor saying "of course your not" as they write me a prescription for anti depressants or other mold stabilizers, and the thought tools me with anger because I HATE any medication like that.
I don’t think its unusual, not if you consider my background.
You know, I once had this guy I worked with on the nightshift comment that I always seemed so jovial because I was always smiling and cracking jokes and making people laugh. He said I always looked so happy.
I looked him dead in the eye with a straight face and said to him, "Im not happy, im incredibly sad." He looked confused, so I continued, "you don’t know me, what you see is a face, a mask I put on for the rest of the world because THAT is what you want to see."
10/4/16 8:19pm
Listening to All Time Low by Jon Bellion
Well this update certainly took 3 days longer than it was supposed to.
(precedes to not give any explanation for the late update)
For starters, made another $100 mistake a week or so ago, wasn’t too upset about it other than having to give up the money, this one being much better than the last one, but that’s a morality problem. Cant keep doing that because it’s a significant unnecessary drain on my financial resources, im risking my physical health every time I do (cant be lucky everytime) and theirs is the ever present danger of running into law enforcement.
Going to have to learn to live without it, which will be hard but not unmanageable. Hell, every other guy seems to live without it just fine.
Grades are good, I have in A in 2 of my classes and nothing in the other one because she apparently hasn’t felt the need to put anything into the grade book, but its what ever. Im confident im passing it though that sure as hell isn't based on my knowledge of the material.
Time management is the key to getting almost everything done correctly and on time, something that also happens to be the hardest to do. Curse those nights staying up until 11:30pm watching YouTube instead of going to bed on time!
Sleep is soooooooo something I need more of, me and every other working person.
Work is going well, no trials I haven't been able to handle thus far but I do need to watch my self and keep everything in line. My amount of scheduled hours over the past few weeks hasn't been the greatest, but im getting buy, still able to pay what few bills I have with at least $100 to put into savings. It should get better as the holidays pick up and there are more hours available.
A belt in my car engine will have to be replaced fairly soon, over the next couple of days for sure so says jiffy lube. I don’t know, im worried about it but dad says to take it to a real mechanic to have them look it over just to be sure. I don’t know near as much about my vehicle as I would like to, but I don’t have the money or time to get familiar with the parts and tools I would need to check it my self.
I got a cheap small 32 inch tv from a pawn shop to use as a display for my laptop, its great so far and I like it. Need to get a chair and a controller to go with it so I can sit at the desk and do everything comfortably, everything costs money though.
Side note, there was this lady that came into my store and started chatting me up, told me about this company she works for that needs team leaders in this area and blah blah blah blah. Researched her organization a few hours ago after she called me and it’s the usual pyramid scam. I kind of felt bad for telling her what I found and that I would be blocking her number. She seemed like such a nice old Mexican lady, but the overwhelming evidence against her organization was…well, overwhelming.
Meh, things are going smoothly so far, a few little bumps along the way but that’s par for the course.
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