JE#22

5/15/2016 8:58am

Listening to: I took a pill in Ibiza by Mike Posner



Sitting on this little bench by some trees on the side of a walkway by our hotel room. The family is getting ready for church, and with everyone being in a cramped space with one bathroom is causing the kind of chaos and easily ignitable tempers you would expect. I got tired of it, came out here to wait until they are all done and ready to go; its nice out here for now, the cool air is a little on the chilly side with a nice breeze just the way I like it, and I can hear children laughing in the background as they play in the playground at the park a few yards away.



5/18/2016

Listening to: Needle and Haystack Life by Switchfoot



The drive from Georgia to Texas was…uneventful. At my grandmothers house in Kilgore now, an old childhood home. Got here yesterday afternoon but we leave tomorrow. This place brings back memories, though most of them are about waiting for one thing or another. This house, these people, its all just another purgatory. I don’t belong here but I wont be long, just passing through.

I talked to my great grandmother who lives across the street, I asked about some of our extended family and how they are doing, talked about my childhood and some of the things that happened back then. It turns out, though not surprisingly, that a lot of them are in bad shape, be it physically or with the law. My little part of the family seems to be one of only a few outliers in all of this mess with how we are ding compared to everyone ells... Looking back at all of the crap we have been through, we, and me especially, could have been a whole lot worse off.

…

I still think about her every now and then. I know I shouldn’t, but I do.



5/19/16 8:02pm



Made it to Fort Hood, this whole place has really been built up in the years I have been gone. Its beautiful...and yet it depresses me. Even now I have to fight to keep back the tears.
I don't belong here. My little brother and sister do, but I don't.
I was supposed to be off on my own with the military and only come back every now and then to visit and tell some adventurous stories of my trips. I...I failed at the one thing that would have made me into something worthy of this place, the one thing that would have allowed me a chance to redeem my self and make up for all of my stupid and terrible mistakes. I'm just tagging along because I failed there, sucked in highschool and couldn't get any scholarships. I'm tagging along because I'm just a nobody stock boy at WalMart that would be fucked if I couldn't rely on my family for support. I'm only here because someone felt enough pity for me to let me.

If my father wasn't military none of these people would give a damn about me, I would just be another civilian on the street and wouldn't warrant so much as a second glance.



5/25/16 5:28am

Listening to: Goodbye To A World by Porter Robinson



The store here is bigger than my old one, and I miss it. I miss my old managers who knew what I was worth and where I was useful. I miss being in a familiar place where I know where everything is and was respected and cherished for that knowledge.
I hate having to learn everything over again, they do things so differently here.

We have a house, and the movers were here yesterday to drop everything off. I still haven't unpacked everything and now its so crowded in my room



5/27/16 9:42pm



I am continually reminded that as a white person, I am the minority here. Not being racist or anything, it was true in Georgia too I guess, it just wasn't in my face as much as it is here. Lot of Hispanics here in Texas, but I shouldn't really be surprised, the Mexican American border is less than 300 miles away at its closest.



5/31/16 2:49pm



As of almost a week ago I have been seeing a girl named Krista, we go out for our second date tomorrow actually. She is pretty cool, likes a lot of the same things I do and is one of the few people I have seen who can out match me as far as reading books goes.

I like her. Just have to not like her too much too fast, historically that's always been an issue but I believe I am getting better at it.

...

Apparently all of my relevant records (medical, birth certificate, diploma) got misplaced during the move. Step mother says they are around here somewhere in a box that hasn't been opened yet, which is easy for her to say because I out them exactly where she told me to (on top of her stuff) before the movers showed up, and I saw her take them to put somewhere els and now they are missing with her being the last to have them; something I'm sure she will deny later once the issue is pressed further and they still don't turn up.

...

Work here is less stressful than at my old store, the extra people in every area really helps out and makes everything easier.

...

Trying to make this MinGW C compiler work for the programming book today, but maybe I'm just doing it the wrong way.