JE#16

2/15/16 9:50pm



In the associate break room about 15 minuets before the meeting we usually have, the old ladies that have been here for years are talking about the managers that are generally assholes, I join in every now and then, as they talk about how everything sucks now, how the managers are pricks and we have too much to do. Same old same old.
I wonder if its always been this way, if it always will be.



2/17/16 9:44pm

Listening to: Take Me Home Tonight by Eddie Money



I sent Sarah a her valentines day gifts and the tracking number says I got there yesterday morning. She hasn't talked to me since then, so I worry that her parents might have intercepted it and she is in trouble for it. I can't blame her parents though, they must hate me.

My manager authorized me for 8 hours of overtime, the only downside to that is I only had one day off this week.



2/20/16 10:42am



She got the package, and I am so glad she loved it; for a few days there I thought her parents had somehow found it and decided to punish her in some way.

Anyway.

IT is harder to get into than I thought from what research I have done, but so far its just stuff that makes sense anyway, and if I do need to re-evaluate my career choice than, well, at the rate I am taking classes I will have plenty of time to think about it.
Been thinking more about when I should move out, when and where I would go. Sharing an apartment/ trailer with someone seems like the best way to live somewhere without crippling my wallet.



2/21/16 8:30am



I got really frustrated at work today, management was garbage, their expectations totally unrealistic, and the freight didn't even seem to be that bad for most areas. As for management, I can't blame everything on them because most of its corporate, and as we all know shit rolls down hill from those greedy mofo's on high in their nice little office buildings. At the end though a few of us associates (like 4 people) helped each other out that last hour because if we hadn't a few of us would have had to stay over for at least an hour to bin all the stuff in. That's one of the few examples of teamwork I have ever seen while working in WalMart.

On an off note though, today I was introduced to strange world of Hot wheel's bulk buying and illegal resale.
Today I was in the toy department stocking when this guy comes up to me and asks if we have any new hot wheels toy cars the little ones that you get for a dollar, and mind you that this is at like 1am. He starts explaining to me that he is competing with this guy who comes in when the new shipments reach the shelves and buys all of the "good ones" before anyone els gets to them. He said this guy, along with other people around the country who do this same thing, would then resell them to people who collect them for like $20-$40 depending on how "rare" or "good" they are. He said that loads of people actually buy them for this price because there are a lot of them you can only get from WalMart stores, and it blows my mind that people would pay that much money for a little $1 toy car.

First world problems, I guess.



2/24/16 1:13am



Just woke up from a lust filled dream, haven't had one of those in a long time. Wonder what brought it on.



2/25/16 5:24am

Listening to: I Got No Time by The Living Tombstone



More and more mistakes, you would think I would be smart enough to not make the same fucking bad choice a second time.

9:41pm

Contemplating the meaning of my life, what I'm supposed to do, etc. Sarah gave me her phone number but somehow she manages to be just as distant and vague. She doesn't seem to be interest in talking to me, I guess, or maybe just doesn't feel like explaining to me what's going on. This weighted feeling I have, like I'm just slogging through the thick mud that is life becoming ever more tired as I do so; maybe she feels it worse than I do?

It amazes me that although I may have been paid $625 this pay check, but I only get to keep a little over $100, put $200 in savings, pay $100 towards my credit card debt, and use the rest to pay bills. Man, that sucks, and it will only get worse when I move out and have to start paying for my stuff on my own.



2/26/15 9:40pm

I think its perfectly reasonably to wake up once in a while and doubt everything you have done, especially everything you plan to do, and question if its all really worth it.

The following is something I sent to Sarah:

--"Hey, so here is one of the things that has happened recently. So far, I am currently taking two college classes for this 2016 spring semester, and only plan to take one during the 2016 fall semester. As of now I cant afford to take any more than that because

A) I am close to exhausting my $2000 credit limit, which is what I have used so far to pay for my college, even though I pay $100 towards it every time I get paid despite my minimum payment only being something like $38 and

B) because with a mostly full time job at NIGHT I don’t really have enough time for maybe 3 classes a semester and 2 during the summer even if I had the money and

C) because I haven't had my credit card for 6 months, therefor no reliable credit history so I don’t yet qualify for student loans of any kind.

My Step mom got with me today and said I should think about going to my bank, explaining the situation to them and seeing if I could take out a loan, which is an Idea I abhor for multiple reasons. Anyway, the original admittedly not very well thought out plan was

1. save up and get a car that isn't totally garbage with a equally not totally garbage insurance plan.
2.Save up a few thousand dollars.
3.Move out of my parents house with everything I could reasonably take in my car, and possibly face their equivalent of exile once they figure out where I am going
4.Drive all the way up to your freezing state of Indiana, to with in the nearest affordable housing of your house,
5.Find a decent job there
6.And figure out a sort of live in situation with you while simultaneously working, going to college part time, and living with the love of my life as we both work to pay the bills.



As stated above, I admit it isn't exactly fool proof. But what ever I do, I have a few months to make up my mind before I either pack my bags or get ready to be in some serious debt that would officially chain me to my job.
But what am I telling you all of this for? Its because I want to know what you think about all of this, what it is you think I should possibly do/not do. You have just as much say in this as me, more so in fact because of the potential and real stress it would put you through."--


I have yet to hear back from her.


It kind of makes me feel uncomfortable hearing everyone at work talk about what's wrong with them and their family, how their old bodies are frail and infirm with age. It makes me afraid to age, knowing my health wont last, with all the talk of arthritis, osteoporosis, and and other assorted maladies.



2/27/16 11:41am

In keeping with the same pattern I have noticed through out my life, today something promising came along that was gona end my day on a high note, and not 10 minuets later I go to tell my parents about something completely different and my dad starts being an asshole over my uncombed hair. When I ask if I can get back to the actual reason for why I came in there (regarding taking their car to my proctor exam) and he tells me to stop and get out of his room.

Fuck it all, then.



2/28/16 9:48am



Been taking some little free online classes in how to code in Java. Its kind of interesting, not hard exactly, just a lot of things to remember to do exactly right or els the whole thing wont work.



2/29/16 9:40pm



This morning, Andrew was called into the office at 6am, and was fired. Wasn't here 2 months. Back in school I always thought he was better than me for being able to go into the Navy, and when he showed up here looking for a job I worried that he would be better at it than I ever was.
But he wasn't, he was much worse. And I outlasted him.

I have been here for 266 days, or 8 months and 21 days; and every single one of them is lost to me.