JE#17 BAD DREAM

3/3/2016 2:38am

Listening to: Find You by Zedd



Yesterday I found out my credit score sucks because I have been using most of my available credit to pay for college, despite always paying 6 times my Minimum payment every month on time.
So there's that.

I hate that in order to get money I don't have, I have to use money I don't have, so that I can qualify for more money I don't have.

Yesterday I got bored and decided to go hang out with that same guy from work, Brandon, and again he put my life in unnecessary danger. For starters, he wanted to go almost 50mph in what I am pretty sure is a 20mph neighborhood road, then decided to pull the emergency break and drift into his drive way where the vehicle came to a screeching halt less than 15 feet from his front door on the lawn. When his grandmother expressed what I believed to be very reasonable concern and told him that his car wasn't a toy, he responded by saying that it indeed was a toy.

The level of disrespect he shows to his guardians and parents, and his immaturity regarding potentially dangerous things such as motor vehicles continues to astound me. He also, unbeknownst to him, continues to remind me just how good my parents were in raising me and the quality of life I have been given. In his house everything is strewn everywhere, clothes, excess food, empty drink cans and bottles, and junk in general to the point that you had to watch where you stepped less you step on any of the clutter.

In my house everything is clean and orderly with everything in its proper place, and if I were to treat any of my things or parents with the level of disrespect that Brandon does I would have been struck down and kicked out a long time ago.



3/5/16 9:40pm



Since my new online English class started its been taking up a lot of my free time, and my computer concepts class starts back Monday so I know that's going to suck. I think the worst about it is going to be this stupid research essay I have to do over the course of 6 weeks.

Parents asked me what I wanted for my birthday, and when I said "nothing" they asked why and I responded with "I just don't." In truth, I have no shortage of wants, but I don't feel like I have the right to ask for anything. If I did, I'm sure my father would say I was selfish and ungrateful for not being happy with having a free house to live in and a car to drive. Its true, but I still don't want to have to deal with him and that particular conversation.



3/10/16 9:31am

Listening to:Howlin Wolf best songs of Howlin Wolf



Not much goes on, though this BS English class is starting to get to me. Sarah is going to get a car before I do here In a few days, im kind of envious.

My birthday is in 7 days, I wonder if she will remember it. I wont ask her for anything, I wont even say anything about it...but I would like to hear her voice. Its been so long since I have heard her lovely voice.



6:08pm



I can't sleep, I don't know why, so don't ask me. I woke up around 4:30pm

Around 2 days ago I had a dream:

I'm at the base of a large rocky mountain with a forest not to far off in the distance, I would say a little less than a mile off, and the sky is over cast. There are probably a few hundred people with me and we are all slowly walking out from this rather large industrial looking building or facility built at the base of the mountain and we can all feel this low shock wave that will come through the ground every few seconds, and it makes the very earth tremble slightly. I don't know what's happening, I'm dazed and confused but I notice that the crowd around me is starting to panic. The shockwaves are coming a little faster now, every 20 or 30 seconds at this point. A loud, incredibly deep sounding roar reverberates through the air, I can feel the sound waves assaulting my very bones with their vibrations.

Its coming from behind the mountain.

Naturally everyone looks up at the mountain behind them in shocked silence, and then we see it.

Its fucking HUGE.

Slowly, this monster, this eldritch entity from some lovecraftian novel, its crawling over the mountain toward us, making the very earth shake under its weight as it does so. Imagine every kaiju movie you ever saw, but replace the awe with pure fear, and then you start thinking what I was thinking which was, "Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit!" It roars again and then moves a little faster towards the crowd, and everyone just starts panicking, screaming and running. To the forest, I don’t know why but everyone is running towards the forest, madly thinking that maybe they will lose the creature in there, that they will be safe from this thing.
But I know its not true, especially with the whole crowd going in that direction making a highly visible and easy target. I split off from the main group and running to the far left instead toward the rock outcroppings a few hundred feet away, and I remember being so out of my mind with fear, thinking that if I can just find a good hiding place in a short enough period of time it will move past me and keep going after the others. Its just over head now, looking down at the ground for any stragglers. I fling my self under this over hanging rock face, and start covering my self with dirt and rocks hoping it wont sense me half buried here in the earth.
Its getting closer.
Its right next to me.
I cant make a sound, I can barely breath for fear that it will hear me.



And then I wake up.
F