JE#13 TEMPTATIONS

1/27/2016 4:53am

Listening to: Uma Thurman by Fall Out Boy



Over the past 3 weeks we took on some newbies, one of my old acquaintances from highschool who went into the Navy but got kicked out over half way through basic because of migraines, and two girls.

The girl, who's name escapes me at the moment, is 22 but looks 17, white with brown hair and blonde highlights; they usually keep her in the dairy section. Short, she has to be just under 5 feet tall, and while not overtly attractive she isn't bad looking either.

So anyway, she and the guy I know from highschool have turned into "friends with benefits" the past few days, and while she says she isn't looking for a relationship we can both tell that He is slowly falling in love with her. I told her she should set him strait now because every day she waits is going to make his eventual heart brake worse.

That entire series of events brought about in me such an uprising of lustful thoughts that I have only ever experienced one other time, and I am ashamed of how I eventually acted on those feelings. I have only had sex with one person in my life, and I am incredibly disgusted with my self for how I manipulated that poor girl and eventually left her. It makes me remember what a horrible person I am.

The song that I am listening to now: Uma Therman by Fall Out Boy, is a song I will never forget. While I -------------------------------------------------. Everytime I hear it it forces me back to those brief moments, and everything I did that led up to it, how heartless I was in my deception, how cruel every smile I put on for her was.
I hate listening to it and usually change the station every time it comes on the radio, it makes me...uncomfortable. But I am forcing my self to listen to it now, hoping that remembering all of the things I did to Alexis will remind me of the consequences of my actions, and that I will --------------------------, never again be so cruel and uncaring with another persons heart.

This girl at work, I really shouldn't pursue her in any way whatsoever, I shouldn't even be having lunch with her because that might be too much for me as well. The temptations of lust and the wants of the body are great, I must find a way to resist them. For most of my days at work, the question of if its worth being a morally upstanding person in this world is really worth it, or if its better to live a life of sin and debauchery.

I still don't know.